Understanding who you are
Ok, you know who you are. You learnt to say your name
before you were 2 years old, and could write it before you were four.
But what about the things which are
feeling unsettled within you. Those niggling feelings that you should be doing
something else. That there's just GOT to be more to life than THIS!
Understanding who you are is a lengthy process which will
take some commitment. We have to be careful not to over analyse ourselves to
far, to soon - or too quickly. It is far better, to understand things step
by step and allow yourself time to absorb what the understanding means to
you, before moving forwards.
Little things will be realised daily, and you'll forget them
and then have reason to be reminded.
Who are we
We are the total combination of the life we have lived to
That is, all the experiences, conversations and interactions
throughout your entire life have shaped and moulded who you are today.
You have opinions, beliefs, values and dreams. Of which no
one else has exactly the same as you.
No one has exactly the same opinions, beliefs or values as
you, as no one else has been exactly where you have been every step of your
life. And even if they have been, their reactions and thoughts are separate
from yours. One persons reaction to a spider may be to scream.
In summary, you are unique.
We are all born with certain talents and skills
within us, those things just 'appear' to come naturally. Along with these
skills; come personality traits, both good and bad, which just come
naturally to us. There seems to be no apparent reason as to WHY we love
art and poetry when no one in our family could have influenced us, no
apparent reason why a child is angry or optimistic.
A spiritual perspective on this, is that we have
chosen our talents and lessons prior to incarnation on earth. Those things
we see as bad, are things which we need to overcome. Those things which
pull us, are the things in our heart which we need to follow.
We are also born into families, parents and
siblings whom are the sum of their lives to date. Their influence in our
lives as children has a profound effect on us as adults. We must be sure
though to be thankful to our parents for any affluence they bring us and
also for any less affluent things they bring us; as these are the building
blocks from which we launch into life.
How others see us
Throughout your life, you've overheard people
talking about you.
People see you differently than you see yourself. And it can be quiet
surprising what they say. It can take an overwhelming view of realisation to
see that there is some truth in what they say.
- You had no idea you worried too much..
- You had no idea people thought you were a frump
- You had no idea people thought you were highly strung
- You had no idea people thought you were funny
- You had no idea people thought you were overly ambitious, or
unambitious, or impractical, etc, etc... the list can go on.
Absorbing criticism can be hard, we find it far
easier to judge and criticise other people - mostly behind their backs.
If we ask people how do they see us, they will
likely focus on our good points, as they do not want to hurt our feelings.
It is only usually in an argument when the little 'truths' come out (but
also in the heat of an argument we often say and hear things which are not
true; just directed to hurt.)
Recognising who you are
See who you want to be, and make steps every day to be that
The list below has several key personality traits; Some you will be
able to clearly state you ARE and some you will be able to clearly state
you ARE NOT. Others will come under the heading of 'Sometimes'. The
sometimes marked traits will be situation dependent. For example; you may
be loyal to your friends, but not in regards to your work. You may like to
be in charge at work; but at home prefer to take a back seat.
Detached and analytical
Enthusiastic, idealistic, and creative.
Flexible and open-minded.
Friendly, adaptable, action-oriented.
Great people skills.
Intelligent and well-informed
Interested in serving others.
Like to be in charge.
Open-minded and flexible
Outspoken and assertive
People-oriented and fun-loving
Popular and sensitive
Practical, traditional, and organized.
Quiet and reserved,
Quiet, kind, and conscientious.
Quiet, reflective, and idealistic.
Quiet, serious, sensitive and kind.
Quietly forceful, original, and sensitive.
Serious and quiet,
Stable and practical,
Uncomplicated in desires.
Value traditions and security.
Well-developed common sense
Well-organized and hard working
Good or Bad
It's not right or wrong to be one way or another. For example; It's not
wrong to be logical, instead of being creative. It's not wrong to be
creative instead of logical.
However, if you wish you could be more logical, or if you wish you
could be more creative (or any of the other traits), then you do not have
to resign yourself. You can make the changes required. Declaring you are
bad at something; simply means you do not have the will/pull to make the
It is possible to be both logical AND creative. But it will be
situation dependent. As in, when you desire to be creative, you can be -
and when you need to be logical, you can be. You do not need to limit who
There is no limitation in who you
You CAN be exactly who you want to be. To do so, means removing your
ingrained limitations, believing in yourself, being dedicated to yourself
- and simply, allowing yourself.
More to life than this
When we get that feeling of, "There must be more to life than this", We
are feeling some kind of boredom or restriction in our lives. What we have
been 'living' is not fully reflective of who we are.
It is easy to allow yourself to get into some kind of rut of comfort.
Everything around you would look perfect, yet inside you feel unrest and
Somewhere along the way; you have been repressing who you are and what
you want to do. Like you've forgotten what makes you tick, you've failed
to find happiness or pleasure in the things which once brought you
happiness and pleasure.
We feel trapped by events or circumstance, and decide to resign
ourselves to a life of continued disquiet. It's not that EVERYTHING is
wrong, it's simply that some things just don't feel right.
In moments such as these, we have to allow ourselves to experiment
mentally with what choices and opportunities we 'could' make in our life
to better our sense of comfort.
We allow others to restrict us, fear the repercussions of change.
Security, love, financial affairs, happiness... the price we pay - will it
be too high?
Yet to fear the price we pay will be high, is to then devalue yourself.
Taking responsibility for
When you can accept that you are the sum of your life experiences, it
enables you then to take responsibility for yourself.
Your Questions - Understanding
who you are
The following are comments and questions we have received. The opinions
of others are always useful; however DO as YOU feel is right.
(Please note: should we publish your question or comments, We will not
include names/emails and may edit content/change names for publishing, but will always
email you the full response).
I have always believed that I may be able to change my attitude on
a temporary basis, but the things I have been through I can not forget
and will always be wary of being subjected to abusive behaviour. How can
I remove the memory altogether? My boyfriend wants me to move in with
him, he has never been abusive or mean to me, but I am afraid in case
things change once we move in together.
Unfortunately we go through relationships and experiences which are
traumatic, painful and abusive. The memories of them cause us distress.
Our self worth and self esteem are knocked.
What can be changed on a temporary basis, can be changed on a permanent
basis. It just takes a stronger commitment to ourselves.
In situations where we have been subjected to violence, abuse and
trauma at the hands of other people; we have to dig deep within us to
try to find forgiveness and understanding.
People become abusive and violent to protect themselves from the things
they fear. Whilst it seems impossible to forgive their behaviour; If a
dog is taught to bark for food, it will bark when it gets hungry. In the
same way, if a child has been taught that violence and abuse is normal
behaviour, they step into adulthood not knowing that it is wrong.
Within ourselves we have to look at what these situations have taught
us. Have they shown us forgiveness, understanding or how to hate? Have
they taught us strength or weakness?
We can not remove the memory altogether, but we can choose not to be
a victim of the experience. We are free from that experience now, thus
we need not allow the experience to victimise ourselves nor others in
Trust your intuition. If you boyfriend has shown no sign of abusive
behaviour, just remind yourself. At the first sign, should it arise,
that you will remove yourself from the situation rather than stay with
it for the duration. You can keep your self worth intact.
You must DO as you feel is right for you.
Don't do something just because it is suggested, do it because YOU feel
it's the right thing to do. If you have fears, discuss them with your
partner. In a gentle way; as to not make them think you are blaming them
of a character trait which isn't really who they are.