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Keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself.

Society expects us to act in certain ways. To say and do the right things at the right times. At times we may find ourselves keeping more in than we are comfortable with. We want to speak, have our say, we want to be understood - yet when push comes to shove we feel unable to do so.

Understanding why we feel unable to speak out will help you to take appropriate actions and calm your inner tension.
Understanding clearly why you feel unable to have your say, may just help you to realise that having your say may just be the best thing to do.

There are times when you decide to keep things to yourself, in order to avoid confrontation or argument. But if you are unable to find a calm within you over the issue at hand, the issue will build up inside you, or get worse.

Some people find talking a lot easier than others. If you are one of these people that can talk about anything, you may find that you get frustrated when you are attempting to communicate with a person to whom vocal self expression doesn't come so naturally. If you are the one whom finds vocal expression difficult then it is important that you find some simple techniques that work for you, in order to help you say your piece.

If we don't communicate how we feel, the issues or problems will internally escalate inside us until things come to a head. Usually in a way that could have been avoided if things had been addressed earlier.

Are you afraid/worried about speaking out?

If you are worried that a confrontation or argument may arise from what you have to say, it is important that you try your best not to allow your emotions to get the better of you.
That is, ensure that you approach your 'discussion' or 'announcement' in a calm clear manner. Be fully aware during your conversation of your emotions and should you find yourself starting to get emotional (in either way), pause and bring yourself back into balance.

Remember honesty based on love, is always better than honesty based on gain. That is, if you are finding it difficult to speak, or to say what needs to be said. Say so. But don't say it in order to get sympathy, say it because it is true!
If you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, explain why you are finding it so hard, but also that you recognise it needs to be addressed.

A few deep breaths, a pause to gather your thoughts together, a reminder that if you stay in balance that this process will be a whole lot easier.

Do you feel your opinions can not be voiced?

This comes down to repression.

Those times when we feel it is inappropriate to say our piece, or even when we feel that saying our piece won't help at all. That our opinions will fall on 'deaf ears'; Do try to remember that your thoughts and feelings are entirely valid to you. You also have the full right to express yourself.

Why are you keeping things in?
What would happen if you did voice your opinions?

Moral Courage is being able to know the difference between what is right and what is wrong and being able to stand up for what you know, or feel is right, in spite of what others may think.

Standing up for what you believe in, or saying your piece should not cause physical harm or disturbance to others. If you can speak from a point of clear self understanding then, the impact of emotional disturbance can be greatly reduced.

Emotional turmoil or disturbance MAY be caused, but it is the dilemma, do you allow yourself to suffer, or try to clear the air?

Are you afraid of speaking the truth?

Honesty is the best policy. You don't have to be rude to be honest. You don't have to be selfish to be honest.

Does truth liberate us, or bind us?
Does fear liberate us, or bind us?

Truth is, that it is fear which binds us, and truth which ultimately liberates us. Sometimes the Truth causes major change, change which we or others try to resist. Yet ultimately it is always the truth which liberates and frees us.

So when you are afraid of speaking the truth, you are facing living bound by the fear which holds you.

Do you have something to say, but not sure how to say it?

Give yourself time, try not to be irrational. Think carefully about the best approach. The best approach for you may not be the best way of handling other people. So do your best to try to understand the other people that are involved.

Give yourself time, write things down, speak to trusted unbias people if you can. But don't rush. Understand what you want to say, what you want to achieve, what you need to do and what you want to avoid.

Occasionally the best way to approach something is to find out what other people are thinking. Asking a question as an opening to a discussion is often a good way to start. "How are you feeling about....", "What do you think about...",
Try to avoid asking "What would you think if I said...."
Questions help us all to open up. And if you are really having difficulty saying something, start asking yourself questions...

A spiritual perspective

When we keep things to ourselves, we prevent others from experiencing emotions and situations which may be fundamental for their growth.

When we stop ourselves from saying or doing something, to protect someone else's feelings. All we are actually doing is taking the responsibility off their shoulders to deal with that particular area in their life.

At first glance, that may seem like the right thing to do. But, consider for a moment - since when were you appointed their judge or jury? When did they appoint you their emotional bodyguard?

Not only should you take responsibility for your own thoughts and actions, but you should also allow other people to be responsible for themselves. If you are deciding what to say to them and what not to say, then YOU are taking the emotional responsibility away from them. We have to learn to handle our own emotions, we have to learn integrity and compassion. We have to understand that if we act from the heart, that we are being responsible for ourselves. Thus if acting from the heart hurts someone emotionally, then it is their issue, not yours, and it is their life, not yours, and it is their responsibility and lesson to work through their own emotional reactions.

We have to learn to be honest, and yet learn to convey this honesty with integrity and love. Subtle changes in the tone of your voice, your choice of words can make a huge difference, actually being sorry, or compassionate or understanding make bigger impressions than trying to act sorry, or trying to act like you understand.

Chakra Influences

Issues in relation to communication and honesty are related to the Throat Chakra, these may manifest initially as mouth ulcers, sore throats, a feeling of something restricting your throat or a lump in your throat.

Further Reading at Inner Truth

 

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