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Our Ego is the driving force of our personality. It dictates what we like, don't like, will accept and won't accept. It's where our opinions and morals are stored to either be upheld or submitted. It's what gets hurt, by feelings of anger and negativity, whilst trying to protect ourselves from our fears.

When we understand who we are, it becomes a lot easier to know exactly who you are.

Understanding ourselves

Ok, you know who you are. You learnt to say your name before you were 2 years old, and could write it before you were four.

The things I'm talking about are the things which are feeling unsettled within you. Those niggling feelings that you should be doing something else. That there's just GOT to be more to life than THIS!

Understanding who you are is a lengthy process which will take some commitment.

Who are we

We are the total combination of the life we have lived to date.

That is, all the experiences, conversations and interactions throughout your entire life have shaped and moulded who you are today.

You have opinions, beliefs, values and dreams. Of which no one else has exactly the same as you.

No one has exactly the same opinions, beliefs or values as you, as no one else has been exactly where you have been every step of your life. And even if they have been, their reactions and thoughts are separate from yours. One persons reaction to a spider may be to scream.

In summary, you are unique.

To start working out who you truly are; you not only have to look at the things you love, enjoy and get kicks out of; but you need to also look at the things which bring you down, which annoy you and which you can and can not tolerate in other people.

List your good points, list your bad points. Then go back and ask yourself, what motivates you to do the good things, and what also motivates the bad behaviour.

We are so good at making the following statements

  • I can't do that
  • I don't like that
  • I don't believe in that

But do you stop to ask yourself why?

  • If you like football, but hate basketball - why?
  • If you like romantic movies - why?
  • If you like going out with your friends - why?

What makes you tick?

  • If you can't stand slap-stick comedy - why?
  • If you can't tolerate too much mess or noise - why?
  • If you dislike group speaking - why?

Many of our traits, likes and dislikes were conditioned into us as children.

What are your good points?

What are your bad points?

What do you wish you could change - and why haven't you!

So, So many questions that you could end up in a spiral of secluded self analysis.

If you wish to understand yourself. Start with something small. Pick one thing and work through that... when you are satisfied, move on - yet, don't set yourself a time limit. Many of our facets will take days or weeks to recognise. Ingrained habits...

When you can understand yourself, your actions and your reactions things become a whole lot clearer.

If you're sat there thinking 'Of course I understand myself'. Then read no more.

To understand yourself means admitting at least some liability for yourself, your thoughts and your actions.

  • Why do you always like to play the clown?
  • Why do you shy away from certain situations?
  • Why are you so pessimistic or optimistic?

We can very easily put ourselves down, complain we are too fat, too thin, too shy, too stupid, too short-sighted, It's often harder to view our good points. So please don't forget about them!

We know we can be temperamental,  we know what makes our tempers flare and our patience wane. But do you understand WHY you let these things affect you?

For example :- Do you understand WHY you hate queues? is it because you hate waiting? if so - ask yourself 'whats the hurry?' At what point in your life did you start living in such a rush?

We all have issues from the past, that's ok, that's bought us to the point where we are today. Everything you've ever done, you have learnt from. Little particles of experience have stuck to you along the way and as such, you have created who you are.

As children, our parents brought us into this world and shaped our early years with their influence and control, as we grew older we thought for ourselves, took on or dismissed their values. From then on, you became the one who made all the choices to bring you to this day in your life. Even those choices which appeared to be made for you, you accepted and allowed someone else to make that decision for you.

So here you are, you are a total combination of the life you have lived to date... where do you want to go from here?

To understand yourself, understand what makes you feel happy and what brings you down. Happiness is an UP state, we all know the difference and the aim is to do all those things that retain an UP or Balanced feeling in your life and cut away all the responses, actions and control points which bring you down below your balancing point.

Our Motivations.

You do what you do, because along the way you've had the opinions, beliefs and values of other people imparted on you.

Some things you've embraced and others you've rejected. Some things you did through force, others freely.

Our parents, siblings, friends and partners all impart their opinions, beliefs and values on you.

When we are in close contact with someone we adopt some of their values and beliefs. We conform.

At school, At work, At home, At a function or event. We conform to what we are told we must do, what we should do and have had it ingrained into us what is right and what is wrong.

We use our sense of what is right to get through our lives in the best way that we possibly can.

Most of the time we spare little thought to answer the questions, why do I do that?

I'm sure throughout your life, you've overheard people talking about you.
People see you differently than you see yourself. And it can be quiet surprising what they say. it can take an overwhelming gulp of realisation to see that there is some truth in what they say.

  • You had no idea you worried too much..
  • You had no idea people thought you were a frump
  • You had no idea people thought you were highly strung
  • You had no idea people thought you were funny
  • You had no idea people thought you were overly ambitious, or unambitious, or impractical, etc, etc... the list can go on.

See who you want to be, and make steps every day to be that person.

See what you don't want to be and make steps every day to avoid being that person.

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