Road Blocks and Pot Holes
When you allow yourself to feel love, even without being 'in love' you allow feelings of peace and contentment rise up within you. Likewise, peace and contentment; along with other positive emotions allow us to feel love more clearly.
Being IN love is a state of grace, of total peace and contentment. It makes you feel complete and is a suspended light feeling. At times, those people whom we are in love with raise up negative feelings in us; it is not the love which falters. It is our ego which interferes with the love.
How do you know you are in love with someone? This can come as a simple knowing, a feeling from within. There is 'love' and there is 'being in love', the two are often confused. You can love someone without being 'in love' with them. Most of our love doesn't actually pass as being 'in love'. When you are in love it is completely person focused.
Our supply of love is not limited. That is, we are not all programmed to give or receive any set amount of love. We love people in different ways; for different reasons.
Compassion, empathy, security, happiness, comfort. These are qualities which the other people can bring into our lives. But they are not measures of love. People who make us happy or whom give us compassion, security and comfort are not always the same people whom we love.
But our supply of love has no limits. If we love one person with all of our heart; it doesn't mean we love other people less. We can love many people in varying degrees, we can love more than one person with all we have.
This is the kind of love, from which your feelings of love simply expand whenever that person is with you, when you are watching them. You smile because they look happy, and you reach out your hands instinctively when they are sad. You give unconditionally and do because you love to do for this person.
This is the kind of love that most parents instinctively have for their children. You watch them playing in the park, or watch them on stage in a school play, or simply watch them sleeping and you see their beauty, you see their spirit and your love for them kind of just melts, or radiates from you.
To have this kind of unconditional love between two adults in a relationship is a real treasure. You feel no need to try to control that person, you want them to be happy and you want them to feel glad to be alive, you give unconditionally and treasure all that they give to you; yet you have no need for them to prove their love for you is true, You feel it - and so do they.
It's like a total acceptance of that person as they are, and you get pleasure just from seeing them or watching them, no matter what that is.
When a person loves you, or you love someone else for the things that they bring into your life, the things that they do; and even the way that they make you feel.
You feel gratitude and warmth, kindness towards this person.
However, we feel disappointment and other negative emotions when they stop giving, or when they do their own thing, or when they temporarily stop giving you what you are used to.
This kind of love isn't necessarily wrong; but it feels completely different from person-focused love. This may be the kind of love which you share with your friends or certain members of your family.
If you feel that your relationship is object-focused then that doesn't mean it's wrong. It simply means that this person is balancing or providing part of what you need in your life.
Love or Like?
We feel the love in different ways and we express each type of love differently too. But essentially the strength of our love for different people motivates us to do more or less everything we do for them.
However, so often we convince ourselves we love someone but it's not actually based on a feeling. It's based on a need.
When we 'like' someone we feel a totally different feeling from 'love', Like is a kind of a 'pull' it's almost a raised frequency, attraction or fascination. It is normal to also feel this pull at the start of a relationship - it's that PULL which then brings two people together and from which love is formed.
We always like people we love, of course they can and do raise feelings of annoyance and anger from time to time; but we react differently to those we love and those we like when we are in these states. To people we 'like', we lower our opinion of them, To those we 'love' we tend to take things more personally and feel disappointed IN them, rather than disappointed WITH them. Then we try harder to make amends.
When an acquaintance annoys you, you'll tend to rant on about them, you may feel a defensive kind of hurt. When a loved one annoys you, you draw it deeper inside. It hurts on a much deeper level.
Being unconditional means having no-conditions attached.
It has been posed that you can't be in an unconditional relationship with another person. It is possible but first, you must seek an unconditional relationship with yourself.
You place conditions on your loved
ones, because they fulfil needs in you, we have expectations of them, we
have standards we like them to meet, we have unwritten rules for
behaviour. All of these things are 'conditions' or 'strings'.
You have to love yourself and your life.
This doesn't mean you have a ego problem, it means you
actually LIKE who you are. If you can't LOVE who you are, try liking who
you are instead. If you don't like things about yourself, decide to change
them into things you DO like.
If you are unable to love who you are; do not expect any one else to love you for who you are.
Love doesn't hurt
Love doesn't hurt. it's the subsequent feelings that we generate which hurt us. Disappointment, Annoyance, Anger, Loss, Resentment etc...
Love only has a high resonating feeling. Love brings calm and peace and contentment.
Losing love hurts because we feel LOSS. We feel the absence of Love.
Do as you feel is right,
and if it feels wrong don't do it!.
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