Losing someone close to you through
death is never an easy time. Our responses to death vary person to person.
Death can feel unfair, it can come as a shock or as a knowing end to a
Our focus is constantly on that person no longer being in
our life and at times we simply want to curl up and forget the rest of the
world even exists.
We often go over and over things we
wish we had have done or said, our emotions are all over the place.
Something very small can trigger us into an endless stream of tears.
If we do not allow ourselves to
grieve at the time; it will effect us later in life.
Feel your emotions
It is important to allow yourself to
cry, you are allowed to feel angry, sad, confused, devastated. It is important to allow yourself to feel what the loss means to you.
Denying yourself this means that it will take you a lot longer to come to
terms with things.
Your emotions are an extremely VALID and important starting point for
dealing with your loss.
So be angry if you need to be. Vent,
shout, scream (but do so in a private place and do not direct this at one
If you feel confused, allow yourself
some time. Accept that you don't need to 'rush' to put your life back
together. Just KNOW that you will.
The emotional pain that we feel can
at times be completely overwhelming, it can hurt so much that we wish we could
It is very important to address all
the reasons and situations where you feel loss. If it helps to talk, do
not feel embarrassed to book an appointment with a trained counsellor or
from joining a support group. Other family members may also wish to join
you, or talk to you. Or to even hold your hand and cry with you.
If you find talking to other people
too difficult to do. Buy yourself a journal and write.
The important thing to remember,
whether you are talking or writing is to address all the aspects of your
loss. Talking often leads to you going around and around, over and over
the same things, Writing however enables you to fully clear your mind.
Write down all the reasons that
person meant so much to you. Write down the things you loved, and do not
be afraid to write down all the things that annoyed you too. Write about
the plans you had that you never had a chance to do and why you were
looking forward to doing those things with that particular person. Address
all the things which you wish you could say to that person if they were
sat with you now, or if they could come back for just 10 minutes more,
what would you say to them.
Address too, what you would like to
hear from them.
We always wish we could have said
Goodbye. So write a letter to say goodbye.
Getting things out, addressing all
these repressed feelings WILL be a difficult and emotional time, so turn
off your phone and allow yourself this special time to grieve. However, by
addressing all these aspects you will be expressing yourself and you will
hopefully be able to stop the thoughts whirring through your head.
Whenever you feel the need, whenever
you need to simply write about this person. Do so.
If you can't put pen to paper,
online anonymous journals or blogs, are a great way to get things out.
They can be public or private so no one else needs to read your thoughts
unless you want them to.
If you wish you or someone else had
done more to help a loved one suffering; write it down.
If you need help; ask
It is important to keep those around
informed as to how you are feeling. If you want to be left alone; tell
them. If you want to talk to them; tell them. If you need time off work;
speak to your boss. If you need advice; seek it.
Don't push people away because you
think they won't understand. If some one you turn to doesn't give you the
support you need; seek support from another family member or a support
There is no right or wrong way, and
addressing how you feel may take a long or short time. it may help a lot,
it may not help at all.
A significant emotion when death
anger. It is important to address any
anger that you feel.
We get angry at doctors and nurses,
we get angry at ourselves, we get angry at other people involved in the
death, we search high and low for someone to
but because accepting death
as a natural part of life is just impossible.
Sometimes, We feel
depressed, and we
start neglecting ourselves and those around us. It is important to also
think about what this person would say to you about the 'state' you are
in, should they be alive. Would they be shouting 'C'mon enough already' or
would they be shouting 'I want to see you suffer more please!'
Try to feel the qualities that
person brought to your life around you IN your daily life in a positive
aspect. If you find yourself in a store and see something which reminds
you of them, try to smile and think 'You would have loved that' instead of
focusing on the loss.
The life that person lived was a
special one, they brought to your life a lot of special memories and
feelings too - yet they have also taught you who they are. Deep within
you, you know their values and when you need to; you can bring their
thoughts and opinions back into your life whenever you need to.
Celebrate the life they have lived
and all the good things that they gave to. Laugh about the bad times with
affection and more importantly, live your life and be happy, as death
comes to all of us and it's just been shown to us that life is too short
to be unhappy. Life is too short for regrets and troubles.
Scents for calming grief include:- Bergamot,
chamomile, jasmine, rose, neroli