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   Working through our emotions.
  
 

Healing our emotions requires a huge commitment from ourselves. No magician is going to turn up with a magic wand, wave it over you and suddenly you will feel better.

Negative emotions leave scars on our ego. Resentment, Bitterness, Anger are all vile and can greatly disturb our outlook and perception of life and situations. In the same way that FEAR prevents us from experiencing new things, and from living life to the full, harbouring unresolved emotional issues can have exactly the same effect on our lifestyle.

For example;

  • You may avoid going to certain places
  • You may avoid certain people
  • You may refrain from saying what you think
  • You may shy away from certain experiences
  • You may lack confidence or courage
  • You may have low self esteem
  • You may lack self respect
  • You may find it hard to trust people, even those that are close to you

It's one thing to understand WHY you feel a particular way, but that understanding can so often blame someone else, for your emotions.

For example;

  • I feel angry because they let me down
  • I can't go there, because HE/SHE might be there
  • Last time I spoke my mind, they got angry
  • I'm shy because of the way I was brought up by my parents
  • I can't trust people, because others have let me down so much

Resolving and working through your emotions requires you to first stop blaming everyone else for how you are feeling.
The hurt you feel is REAL, the emotions you feel are REAL, people may have acted in unjust ways towards you but by blaming them for how you feel is putting you in a victim role.

Working through your emotions means you are making a pact with yourself that you can no longer act the victim.

The fact that you've got this far, is an indication at least, that you are interested in finding a way to feel more comfortable with yourself.
Do understand that whilst working through your emotions, that you will find certain emotions rising up within you, and you may want to quit. That's ok, because even a small amount of understanding and clearance will eventually settle within you. Our mind and spirit has ways of absorbing information, which gets processed when we least expect it. For example, you may just wake up one day and feel a little more confident, whereas previously you had not.

Where to start

Whatever the situation or experience, work through these bullet points below. It is useful to copy and paste into a word processor, or write your answers down. ( You can delete/throw it away afterwards).

  • How did you feel before the situation arose?
  • How did you feel during the situation?
  • How did you feel immediately after the situation?
  • How do you feel about the situation now?

As you answer these questions, be sure to focus on how YOU felt, not on what other people did or should have done. Don't try to work out how you could have done things differently, or how you would have liked the situation to have played out. Be sure that you focus on you - and your feelings.

Have a look at the list of emotions and emotional reactions below, and see if you felt/feel any of them at any point. This list is intended to aid describing how you feel/felt.

Aggressive
Anxious
Angry
Afraid
Rebellious
Hiding how you felt
Undermined
Doubtful
Untrusting
Taken aback
Concerned
Rejected
Manipulated
Cornered
Impatient
Ashamed
Suspicious
Worried
Jealous/Envious
Shocked
Horrified

By looking over the progression of emotions that you felt before, during and after - it should help you to see how one emotion can easily change into another.

For example;

At the time Immediately After Now
Aggressive Angry Undermined
Anxious Rejected Angry
Shocked Concerned Worried
Doubtful Suspicious Untrusting
Taken Aback Shocked Concerned


When the issue/situation occurred a long time ago, this exercise can be very difficult. If you find it hard to remember how you felt before or during, it's ok. The really important part is to express as clearly and honestly as you can. How you feel now.

Resolving all the feelings that you feel NOW, is paramount. But if you can understand the progression of your emotions, it will help you to see how your emotions unfold.

Because what we need to work on now, is to transform those negative emotions in a similar way, back to more positive or balanced emotions.

For example; (Soon and Later are broad time scales sorry! but the depth of you issue will effect how long emotional healing will take.)

Now Soon Later
Aggressive Accepting Calm
Anxious Trusting Calm
Shocked Understanding Accepting
Untrusting Understanding Trusting
Suspicious Accepting Trusting
Afraid Couragous Balanced
Concerned Accepting Trusting
Rejected Respectful Calm
Angry Accepting Calm
Doubtful Respectful Trusting
Taken Aback Accepting Calm

Whilst you may feel that you will never be able to remove your negative emotions or thoughts about the other person or people involved. In time, you will find a way. But first you must find a way to heal your own emotions so that you are not fearful or living a restricted life.

Now we understand

Now that you are clear on exactly which emotions are strongest in you. You can start to look at ways of understanding how to change how you feel into a more positive emotion.

This is different for each emotion, and we have on site a wide range of emotional response articles to assist.

Forgiving yourself and understanding that you responded in the best way you felt able to at the time, and that you were fully entitled to feel what you feel, may help you to face the issues more clearly.
Understanding that everyone has their own issues and sub-conscious responses can also help you to recall difficult situations. The quote "Everyone has there own agenda" springs to mind. Everyone has their own reasons for creating situations, which then go on to effect us. Whether those reasons are good or bad in our eyes, we have to try to accept that what is done is done. Now, the healing within us must commence.

The following articles are to assist you.

Negative

Positive


Aggression

Anger

Anxiety

Blame

Doubt

Fear

Guilt

Hate

Shame

Suspicion

Worry
 


Acceptance

Appreciation

Balance

Courage

Forgiveness

Fulfilment

Patience

Trust



Do as you feel is right, and if it feels wrong don't do it!.
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