Healing our emotions requires a huge commitment from
ourselves. No magician is going to turn up with a magic wand, wave it
over you and suddenly you will feel better.
Negative emotions leave scars on our ego. Resentment, Bitterness, Anger
are all vile and can greatly disturb our outlook and perception of life
and situations. In the same way that FEAR prevents us from experiencing
new things, and from living life to the full, harbouring unresolved
emotional issues can have exactly the same effect on our lifestyle.
- You may avoid going to certain places
- You may avoid certain people
- You may refrain from saying what you think
- You may shy away from certain experiences
- You may lack confidence or courage
- You may have low self esteem
- You may lack self respect
- You may find it hard to trust people, even those that are close
It's one thing to understand WHY you feel a particular
way, but that understanding can so often blame someone else, for your
- I feel angry because they let me down
- I can't go there, because HE/SHE might be there
- Last time I spoke my mind, they got angry
- I'm shy because of the way I was brought up by my parents
- I can't trust people, because others have let me down so much
Resolving and working through your emotions requires
you to first stop blaming everyone else for how you are feeling.
The hurt you feel is REAL, the emotions you feel are REAL, people may
have acted in unjust ways towards you but by blaming them for how you
feel is putting you in a victim role.
Working through your emotions means you are making a
pact with yourself that you can no longer act the victim.
The fact that you've got this far, is an indication at
least, that you are interested in finding a way to feel more comfortable
Do understand that whilst working through your emotions, that you will
find certain emotions rising up within you, and you may want to quit.
That's ok, because even a small amount of understanding and clearance
will eventually settle within you. Our mind and spirit has ways of
absorbing information, which gets processed when we least expect it. For
example, you may just wake up one day and feel a little more confident,
whereas previously you had not.
Where to start
Whatever the situation or experience, work through
these bullet points below. It is useful to copy and paste into a word
processor, or write your answers down. ( You can delete/throw it away
- How did you feel before the situation arose?
- How did you feel during the situation?
- How did you feel immediately after the situation?
- How do you feel about the situation now?
As you answer these questions, be sure to focus on how
YOU felt, not on what other people did or should have done. Don't try to
work out how you could have done things differently, or how you would
have liked the situation to have played out. Be sure that you focus on
you - and your feelings.
Have a look at the list of emotions and emotional
reactions below, and see if you felt/feel any of them at any point. This
list is intended to aid describing how you feel/felt.
Hiding how you felt
By looking over the progression of emotions that
you felt before, during and after - it should help you to see how
one emotion can easily change into another.
At the time
When the issue/situation occurred a long time ago,
this exercise can be very difficult. If you find it hard to remember
how you felt before or during, it's ok. The really important part is
to express as clearly and honestly as you can. How you feel now.
Resolving all the feelings that you feel NOW, is
paramount. But if you can understand the progression of your
emotions, it will help you to see how your emotions unfold.
Because what we need to work on now, is to
transform those negative emotions in a similar way, back to more
positive or balanced emotions.
For example; (Soon and Later are broad time scales
sorry! but the depth of you issue will effect how long emotional
healing will take.)
Whilst you may feel that you will never be able to
remove your negative emotions or thoughts about the other person or
people involved. In time, you will find a way. But first you must find a
way to heal your own emotions so that you are not fearful or living a
Now we understand
Now that you are clear on exactly which emotions are
strongest in you. You can start to look at ways of understanding how to
change how you feel into a more positive emotion.
This is different for each emotion, and we have on
site a wide range of emotional response articles to assist.
Forgiving yourself and understanding that you
responded in the best way you felt able to at the time, and that you
were fully entitled to feel what you feel, may help you to face the
issues more clearly.
Understanding that everyone has their own issues and sub-conscious
responses can also help you to recall difficult situations. The quote
"Everyone has there own agenda" springs to mind. Everyone has their own
reasons for creating situations, which then go on to effect us. Whether
those reasons are good or bad in our eyes, we have to try to accept that
what is done is done. Now, the healing within us must commence.
The following articles are to assist you.