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Decide

"If you ever feel stuck, as if your life isn't moving along smoothly, then you need to make some clear decisions about what you want."
Quote Doreen Virtue Ph.D

Sometimes we just don't know what to do for the best; other times we simply allow ourselves to be carried along, without making any real choices as to the direction we are heading.

If you are having problems making a decision, then you create anxiety, worry, stress, frustration and confusion.

Once you have made the right decision. Things become SO much easier. Thus releasing any anxiety, reducing stress and minimising worry. Once the right decision has been made, frustration and confusion clear.

 Why we have problems making a decision.

We put it off, pretend we don't have to make a decision, pretend it doesn't matter. Often this leads us to start feeling anxious, worried and sometimes even fearful. Because deep down we know it does matter and that there is a problem in procrastination.

The problems start because we worry about the impacts of our decision, either way. We worry about what people will think of us - if they will judge us or be angry with us. Sometimes we doubt ourselves, our abilities and even our worthiness.

If other people know you must make a decision over something, it's common to feel pressured or nagged into making the decision, this in turn has the tendency to add stress to our daily lives. Sometimes even guilt.

 Making a clear decision

Making a clear decision isn't always easy, especially when either option has implications or factors which need full consideration...
However, things can fall into place so much more easily, when you can focus your attention on the decided outcome, rather than having a head full of options and possibilities.

Before MAKING the decision, you may have two or more options.. without knowing which to truly focus on, your thoughts are scattered.

So our goal is to make a single decision, and then focus on that.

 I need to make a decision, but I can't its just so hard!

Stop Right There!
Remove the pressure. Remove the urgency.

You need to take yourself off to a quiet place for the sole purpose of making said decision.

Don't allow anyone to pressure you.
Even if you have a deadline to meet. RELAX.

Unplug the phone. Have a nap, take hot bath, pour yourself a drink, have something to eat, then keep the phone unplugged and sit in a quiet room.

If you're a 'talker' and would rather talk it through with someone. Then do so. But remember to remove all other distractions and focus on the goal of making the decision. Be sure that the person you are going to be talking things through with KNOWS that you need their support, advice and clarity and that this 'time' is solely for decision making.

Ok, so we are approaching the decision making process with a clear mind. We are focused and relaxed. Take a few deep breaths, sit, lay or lounge comfortably.

If it helps, say things out aloud.
Personally, I find writing things down helps no end.

 First, clarify what the decision is.

And I mean exactly what it is. Because quite often we bring in so many secondary factors, which extend away from our main decision.

  • Do you have to choose between two or more things?
    This could be work related, family related, emotional, physical or mental. Write down ALL the things you must choose between. Avoid secondary factors such as money/time/implications for now. Just focus on the exact options you have.
  • Do you have to decide to stand up for yourself, for someone else.
    If the decision is of a personal nature, you may have to look at your own personal values and those of other people. Remember you must always put your needs first. If you don't you are likely to struggle with the choices you make.
  • Do you have to consider your options.. if so, what are they?
    Sometimes we are not always fully aware of all the options we have. So consider even briefly the more obscure options that you could wangle out of the scenario you are in.

Now listen to yourself.
Deep down you'll feel a pull to do one or more things.

You have to distinguish between what YOU want to do, what you would LIKE or LOVE to do, regardless of any limitations, obligations, consequences etc.

It'll be these outside influences which pull you to do something you don't want to truly do. But we must first void all limitations and think of what we TRULY want. What makes US happy, what we think would make us happy if we had everything we needed to have a smooth transition.

  • Do you want to do what is right for you.
    or
  • Do you want to please others?

Write, or speak about what you want out of the situation, what you feel you want. Write about what is stopping you from making the decision, and why you are finding it so hard.

This whole process is in quiet time. it's just you sat on your own, clearing out the random thoughts in your head and setting them down on paper. Once on paper they no longer need to clutter your head. Once on paper, you'll find the decision starting to emerge.

If decisions have implications; consider each one fully.

That which is right for you, will make you feel good, will make you feel happy, or will simply 'feel' right.

 What feels right, What feels wrong.

If you make a decision and then feel wrong about it, clarify what would make you feel 'right'... it may not always mean you have made the wrong decision, but simply that certain aspects need to be changed.

The best decisions will make you feel happy.
When YOU are happy, the people around you will be too.

If parts of the decision feel like they are tearing you up inside, that you want one outcome more than another; but that you aren't really sure HOW things will work out, you need to take a look at your fears and have them clarified first.

 Give yourself time.

Seek advice from friends and professionals.

Advice plants seeds. So regardless of whether the advice is 'good advice' or 'bad advice' all those little seeds have been planted in your mind.

Remember you are under no obligation to take any advice given, but it will help you to discuss the situation with any other people whom may be affected by your choices. It helps to be informed.

Some of the 'seeds' of advice will grow, but we don't actually water them. They are just 'there'
Give yourself time to absorb different kinds of advice, and all the while all these seeds of advice are growing in our minds... some prosper, others wither...
Why? because our soul feeds the ones our soul resonates with. Or in simpler terms, the advice that resonates most with your innermost feelings will be the advice that you eventually act on.

Eventually only one of those 'seeds' will be flourishing, and that is the advice which you end up taking.

So when advice is received (or known), it rests like a seed in your mind.. and these seeds grow, until one day; you wake up and just 'know' what to do.

Occasionally, we get new information which just blitzes all the weak seedlings, and there is a compelling need to act.
Other times
, we feel swamped and pressured to make a decision yet there are to many seedlings...but you must give yourself time. Real time put aside for you and your thoughts. Remove all pressure.

When you receive advice, just know that in time, you will just 'know' what to do. Keep your mind in a state of calm, trust yourself and act with integrity.

 Remove Limitations.

Ok, so earlier we felt a pull to a certain 'decision' but because of outside influences, limitations, possible implications and consequences, we feel we can't really take that route.

Wrong.

Your next job is to look at removing the limitations.
To realise that implications and consequences are part of every day life.  We have to move house, take a pay cut or earn more money, we have to say goodbye to our friends, we have to upset someone else. etc etc.

These are NOT valid reasons for preventing yourself from doing what you want. There are always ways around limitations.

Limitations are actually excuses. Excuses because we are actually afraid of being happy, being fulfilled... even of being free.

Implications and consequences are excuses too. If it can be conceived it can be achieved.

If you want to be happy with your decision, you have to remove the limitations, accept implications and consequences and rise above it all.

 



 Decisions involving others.

When a situation is effecting us in a negative way, making us angry, confused or sad. We need to make a decision to make some changes. Either within us, or around us. There comes a point where you have to stop considering others and think about your needs first. What will make YOU feel comfortable.

Understanding other people, can be hard if they don't understand themselves. You have to work with that which you DO know about them, and stick with the facts of what you have and what you are prepared to accept. It is important that you work with only the impact of your decision ON YOU. Being responsible for our own feelings is hard enough without taking on the responsibility of others whom are well able to be responsible for themselves.

If you want to do something, you must do it. But that doesn't mean you have to compromise everything to do so.
If there is red tape, you must find a way to cut it. If there are complications, you must find a way to smooth them out.

What's even harder is putting yourself in someone else's shoes. Trying to help smooth out complications all around. But it's not your issue, and not your responsibility. All you can do is try to shine light in the right places to help others work through their own emotional, mental and physical limitations.

 Opposition

"The hard-line position being taken by another person will go a long way to reveal the extent of your own need to clarify your values" Eric Francis

Indeed. When faced with opposition, you tend to step back and re-evaluate. Time required to clarify exactly where one is at.... and what one believes in, and subsequently proceeding with what you find.

 Being the bearer of bad news...

There are times when a decision needs to be passed on to someone else, and we worry about upsetting them. If you are totally clear within yourself that your decision is the right one, then you need to be prepared to be totally honest.

You must also be prepared that the recipient may not at first be accepting, but remember that given time, all will work out best for everyone concerned.

Though it's probably not a good idea to tell your recipient that, we have as people, every right to feel what we choose to feel, without anyone else telling us how we should and shouldn't respond.

We have free will, we have choice, provide the information and allow others to feel what they want to feel. Don't insist they must feel a certain way, allow them to feel how they feel most comfortable.

 Making the wrong choice.

When you have made the wrong choice, you can feel sad, pressured, guilty, unsettled and wishful. These types of emotions can easily lead to depression. So it is important that you seek amendments as soon as possible.

If you feel you have made the wrong choice. Take steps to put things right, to head down the right road.

We don't have to put up with things, we don't have to hide behind false pride.
It's ok to admit you were wrong.
If we were right ALL of the time we wouldn't learn.

If the wrong choice has led you down a path of no return, look forward into your life and see that there IS the possibility of your path returning, a little further down the road. Take this time to seek out ways to make your life, and yourself, more comfortable and joyous.

 Recommended Reading

 

 

 

 Professional Therapy

The following types of therapy may help you with your decisions.

Here at Inner Truth we have a directory of UK Practitioners, listed by region and category. Please use the links below to find a practitioner near you.



Do as you feel is right, and if it feels wrong don't do it!.
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