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When you blame someone remember that you are blaming them for something YOU don't like or for something YOU wouldn't do.

"you are blaming them for not being you"

You are blaming them for all the things you like and don't like.

When you blame yourself, you are in denial. You are denying that you did your best, that you did as you thought was best given the information you had.

Blame means a non acceptance of someone or some situation.

I blame someone else...

We blame other people for lots of things, even on a daily basis. We blame people for doing things, or for not doing things... we blame people for thinking too much, or for not thinking at all..

They are not you.
Do not expect any one to act, think or do exactly as you would.

When you blame someone for something, all you are pointing out is that you have an intolerance for something.
Be that an opinion, a behavioural trait, or simply; for who they are.

How can you blame someone for doing what they thought was right ?
It's rare people do things knowing they are wrong, and when they do - there is usually a secondary reason for it.. For example, if someone intentionally tells a secret, knowing it will hurt - they have done so for THEIR reasons. And then you would need to ask yourself WHY you wanted it to remain a secret. (Things are always better out in the open).

How can you blame someone for being themselves?
Does it simply boil down to a feeling of jealousy or inadequacy that you are not them? or is it that you are angry that they aren't like you?

Are you are blaming someone for doing or not doing something how YOU would do it ?

When you blame someone else you are taking away any acceptance of them as a person.

We also blame people for things when we feel angry, resentment, impatience...

To remove blaming other people, Look at the triggers and WHY you feel the need to blame...

  • Did they mess up something important?
  • Did they delay things?
  • Did they embarrass you?
  • Did they humiliate you?
  • Did they make you angry?
  • Did they make you feel ashamed?
  • Did they make you feel guilt?

It's far easier to blame other people than to look at the triggers. We don't like to admit we feel guilty or humiliated, we don't like our secrets to be hung out like dirty laundry.

We don't like to let other people down; and thus when we do, we blame others along the way...

Things happen in life and the only way to abolish blame is to seek acceptance.

Does it matter in the long run anyway?

If someone has done wrong because they didn't know any better, then they will have learnt.

It would help to talk to the person in question, explain how YOU feel and find out how THEY feel about it too. Open and Honest communication (without raised voices and without finger pointing) can clear up many a difficult situation.

Address things such as WHY they did what they did, HOW they felt about it, WHY you feel the way you do, WHY it matters to you and then look at ways you may be able to accept what has happened. To move forward, to find a solution which works for everyone; not just for you. Listen to what they have to say and if you can't understand, you need to ask a different set of questions to seek that understanding which is so ardently needed.

If talking to the person is out of the question, and if writing a letter is out of the window too; then you will have to seek a way to accept that you don't have all the information; and that it is wrong to blame someone else for something without giving them the opportunity to explain their actions.

Sometimes all we want or need is an apology, sometimes (even though you may not feel like giving it), sometimes the other person may need an apology from you.

It's wrong to try to make anyone feel guilty.

I blame myself...

Blame and guilt come hand in hand. Sometimes we feel that saying Sorry isn't enough. We instead hang on to what we did wrong.

By hanging on to it we punish ourselves.

I didn't mean to make you feel sad, I didn't mean to upset you, I didn't mean to make you late, I'm to blame your clothes aren't washed/ironed. I'm to blame for forgetting... the list goes on...

How can you blame yourself when you've only done as much as you felt you could at the time ... let it go ... understand and you'll find forgiveness.

Taking the blame on your own shoulders means you are failing to accept that you are who you are, and that you are doing the best you can possibly do.

If you didn't know what was occurring, if you tried your best with the information and thoughts you had at the time, then WHO can possibly blame you; and why do you blame yourself?

  • I should have tried harder
  • I should have known better
  • I should have seen it coming
  • I should have made more of an effort
  • I should have said something sooner
  • I should have done something sooner
  • I shouldn't have trusted
  • I shouldn't have cared
  • I shouldn't have listened
  • I shouldn't have done that

Ok, so there's a lot of things we SHOULD and shouldn't do. But with hindsight, you have to recognise that IF you were to step back in time, there ARE things you would have done differently.

But you can't.

You only know what you know now because you have NOW lived it. NOW you have the experience you would and will do things differently. Back then, you didn't have the worldly wisdom which you now have. You have learnt.

Next time, you'll know better.

You can remove the blame that you punish yourself with, by knowing that you HAVE learnt.

We need to find ways to forgive ourselves and to understand ourselves. We did our best.

Professional Therapy

When the inability to let go of blame is effecting your emotional well-being, you may benefit from some form of counselling or psychotherapy, for more information on these please click the links below.

Relaxation therapies may help bring you into a more peaceful state of mind. Suggested therapies include;

For further details on the therapies listed above, just click on them!

Here at Inner Truth we have a directory of UK Practitioners, listed by region and category. Please use the links below to find a practitioner near you.

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