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Acceptance..
 

At certain times in our lives we find ourselves having trouble moving on, getting over or forgiving. Each of these three problems require a level of acceptance, in order to move forward in our lives.

When we have trouble accepting something; it is because things are not how we want them to be.

Our ego, our driving force, is enraged.
Enraged, because we want things a certain way. Any other way, simply won't do. It's almost like a small child within you shouting "NO!", and whilst you don't normally physically act like a child and stamp your feet. When you have trouble accepting something you still get angry inside.

It is important that you understand that it is your 'life blood' or 'driving force' or 'Ego', that is struggling with accepting, those things which you know you have to accept.

Accepting, is quite simply calming your Ego.

 Clarifying what you can't accept.

The first thing to reveal to yourself is WHY you can't accept something. This starts by allowing yourself to define exactly, to yourself, what the situation is and what your 'problem' is with it.

Write down exactly what the problem is. Try to be as short and definitive as possible, in other words try not to embellish beyond the real problem, try to sum up the problem exactly within a few sentences. This may take some time to do, however it is worthwhile taking the time to get it right.

What are you feeling in regards to the issue?

  • Jealousy
  • Defeat
  • Guilt
  • Anger
  • Let down
  • Do you feel like a failure
  • Did you expect better
  • Did you expect more
  • Did someone else take your glory or control
  • Are you resisting change?

Very often we don't actually sit down and think about what the real problem is. We just instinctively know that we don't like what we see. We simply allow ourselves to feel the anger or annoyance, throwing blame around without actually fully understanding why we are feeling the way that we feel.

By clarifying exactly WHY you can't accept something, you can take steps forward to logically accepting it. Or at the very least, accommodating it.

Ultimately the goal IS to find a complete acceptance, but this isn't always possible or easy; as it would involve a deeper understanding of, why you do the things you do and why you feel the way you do about certain things.



 Accepting someone else's decision

Is hard.. really, and if you are facing a problem or dilemma over another person's choices it is really important that you acknowledge that resolution within you is going to be a hard process for you.

Hard, but not impossible.
It's hard to accept someone else's decision, be it in relation to work, family or relationships. So don't feel bad that you are having difficulty.

No matter who that person is, a friend, sibling, child, partner, colleague. If someone does something, or wants to do something which you feel is wrong. All you want to do is shout NO! All you want to do is stop them from making mistakes, or to stop them from hurting you.

The first step is to tell yourself that THEIR decision is really none of YOUR business. (providing of course they are adults!). Here's the thing.... the hard line approach;

...It's THEIR decision. It is their life and their decision.

They are totally different from you - but their base goal of happiness is the same as yours. They are doing as they see best to seek out their happiness. THEIR happiness. NOT yours.

Your perception is that they have made the wrong decision. But it is NOT their perception. By all means, you can try to talk to them, to make them see things from your perspective, but you shouldn't bully them into your way of thinking. They will do what they feel is best.. No one, not even YOU would make a decision to intentionally cause pain in your life.

They are responsible for their own life path, in turn you are responsible for yours.

You may feel as though you know what is best for them, but if they have made a sound decision based entirely on how they feel, then they have made the right choice for them.

If they have made a choice not based on strong foundations (or based on you or other people), that choice may or may not falter of it's own accord in time.

Sometimes we have to step down and stop trying to control other people.

 Finding a way to discuss the situation..

If you are concerned about their happiness, you can try to talk to them, but be sure that when you address them that you explain how YOU feel about things and also explain that you understand they will do what is right for them; yet you feel you need to say these things.

Try not to raise your voice, try not to get angry. Be clear, be real and above all listen to their views about why they want to do what they want to do.

Remember, the person in question has not made the decision to cause unhappiness in their life.

They have made the decision to find more happiness in their life.

Whether we're talking about money, work, love... they've done what they need to do to be happy.

Neither have they made their decision to deliberately screw up your life. It's YOUR choice to think that their decision affects you personally.
However, IF their decision means changes to YOUR lifestyle, you need to look at WHY you don't want your lifestyle to change.

 Change is the only constant thing.

One day, you'll look back and see that the ricochet of changes as a result of their decision worked out in the best possible way for you too...

It's your choice how you perceive it today.

Accepting events outside of your control

We all, in a way, get what we want. I get questioned on this a lot. But if we subject ourselves to certain situations and certain people, we are in affect lining ourselves up for particular events.

However, some things appear to be outside of our control. I'm not talking about other peoples decisions. I'm talking about everything from transport delays to death, everything has a reason.. and it may not necessarily be about YOU.

If you are delayed, it could be for someone else's reason. When the timing is right, there will be no errors.

When things occur seemingly outside of our control, we get frustrated, angry, impatient... see it as a lesson... if you usually get frustrated if the bus is late, try to NOT get frustrated next time. If you usually get impatient in a queue, remind yourself there's no real hurry. Just give yourself a few minutes to relax and observe the scenes around you.

  • Everything occurs at the right time. Even delays.
  • Everything is as it should be.
  • Everything holds some kind of meaning to you in your life.
  • Everything always inevitably, works out for the best - no matter how long it may seem to take.


Accepting yourself.

You are unique. You are you - there's no one else exactly the same as you are. If you can not accept yourself as you are, then you have to know exactly what you want to be and be committed into transforming yourself (and it won't happen overnight).

YOU can change what you can't accept about yourself. I'm not talking cosmetic surgery - I'm talking about your mental attitude.

You are as strong as you want to be.

Be who you want to be.

If you are having trouble accepting something about yourself, you need to stand up and remember that ONLY you are responsible for your life. If you allow others to influence you, that was YOUR choice. If you always base your choices on what you feel then you will never have any problem in accepting things YOU have done.

Learn from what you have done and KNOW you will not repeat the mistake. We learn more from our failures than of our successes. So acknowledge that you have learnt, and move on.

Professional Therapy

When the inability to accept something is effecting your emotional well-being, you may benefit from some form of counselling or psychotherapy, for more information on these please click the links below.

Relaxation therapies may help bring you into a more peaceful state of mind. Suggested therapies include;

For further details on the therapies listed above, just click on them!

Here at Inner Truth we have a directory of UK Practitioners, listed by region and category. Please use the links below to find a practitioner near you.

 Holistic & Spiritual Therapies for Acceptance

Below are listed some holistic and spiritual methods to aid you in finding acceptance.

Crystals

The following crystals may help to aid acceptance.

  • Rose Quartz
  • Green Jade
  • Pink Carnelian

Aromatherapy

Please do not use aromatherapy oils or scents whilst pregnant, unless being treated by a qualified practitioner.

The following scents may assist in aiding acceptance.

  • Clove
  • Honeysuckle
  • Vanilla

Chakras

The Heart Chakra is associated with acceptance, especially of others. 'I love' is the essence of the heart chakra.
In terms of lacking acceptance with yourself and what you have (jealousy) please refer to the Base Chakra. 'I have' is the essence of the base chakra.

Other Methods

Other spiritual methods which may aid your understanding of your own self may include; Aura Reading, Chakra Clearing, Meditation, Yoga or Clairvoyance.
Please use the links below to find UK practitioners.



Recommended Reading

We recommend the following titles.

     

 Further Reading at Inner Truth


 

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